Before you actually settle down to read this, I want you to spend a moment asking yourself whether you have ever spent a moment with silent tears…a moment when you wanted to cry and cry hard- pulling your lungs out- felt your throat so choked, that your throat started hurting you- but not a single sound was heard, there was just an ocean of tears blurring your vision?
If yes, please proceed and if not, please don’t read this because you may not be able to relate to it and chances are high that either you may not understand and end up wasting your time or make a mockery of those who have felt it (which I strictly don’t want).
Let me tell you in advance that I don’t have a tragic story to narrate because there is no such story except “your story”. And, your story could be anything. I know if people were to hear your story they might say that it’s too trivial to evoke such reaction and suffering or that your tragedy is so disastrous that your ‘silent tears’ were demeaning. But, irrespective of what others have to say about it, one thing is sure which is, your story is important- it is important at least to/for you.
On that fine day,when you were in tears with nobody to listen, no one to watch, you were not alone. You were with yourself. That very day you felt yourself, accompanied yourself, you were the performer and the observer crying and watching. A number of times you must have asked “why” and left that question unanswered, trailing in the middle. You may/may not have received all the answers but can you forget that silent tear which rolled down your cheeks to meet your palm/lap—that night when tears trickled down to settle down on your pillow? That day, you wiped your own tears because everyone else was too busy calculating who was right and who was wrong.
Now, if you still have the memory of those moments and expect me to prescribe for you a way to get out of it, to feel relieved, to suggest a way to purge it, I am sorry to say that I might disappoint you, because my aim is not let you forget it but to remember it clearly. Yes, I know it’s a painful memory but that was the moment, your best opportunity to realize that life has got its complex ways to treat you that things are not always completely right and totally wrong, we stride in a world that has a grey nature! And, we felt sad simply because that’s the way we felt without bothering about a reason to feel so.
Ages after ages, we have heard the great philosophers who preached us to look for a life of perfect bliss, to seek perfection, to look for ways to be perfectly happy and so, now a tragic event disturbs us so much. We have painted a sordid and horrific picture of pain and sorrow. All our life we make efforts to run away from potential reasons of sorrow and suffering. But the more we run away, the more we will become incapable in dealing with them, to live them in full glory, in their entirety. And so, I say that your moment of silent tears was precisely the moment when you could have felt it most closely; it was our time, our moment dedicated to our ‘self’.