Am I dreaming?

It felt fresh when he woke up. He was smiling instinctively without being very sure what exactly made him smile. The night was pleasant and the dream… “Oh wait! Am I still dreaming?” Aditya asked himself and spent a gaze around him which unleashed a greater amount of smile this time.  There wasn’t anything on his mind- no excitement of the New Year, no Lokpal brouhaha, no pending concerns, no obligation and if at all they were there, he just did not want to care. He wanted to be lying, thinking about the dream. Although there was a slight sense of disappointment that all of it had ended in a fraction of second when his eye-lids had ditched him contrary to his wishes- they had opened him to the realities of a past night and the morning sunlight.

Isn’t it strange that in our dreams everything conflate and overlaps with each other and what we have is an amazing cocktail of place, people and events which are highly improbable to meet in this real world? School, college, home, hostel -everything in the neighborhood- and a strange mingling of different people. Aditya drew the quilt a little closer on himself and dunked himself in the last night’s dream- replaying it over and over again in his mind and laughing at the way he had resisted the things in the dream, within the dream itself.

In the dream he had assumed one of the figures to be himself. While he was in the dream he was also observing the things going on. So he saw his home and there it’s mom and o! Is that Ishika talking to her? He had asked himself in the dream “How can she be here at my home and that too with mom? O shit! They already know each other, when did this happen?”

While he was dreaming he was trying to get a logical connection of things happening in there, it had puzzled him then, it was baffling him even now.

“What the fuck!! What are you doing here in my dreams? You got to be out there in front of your computer screen or your phone chatting or with me out somewhere, the way you always do” he asked Ishika pretending to dislike the situation, but, inside he knew he was very happy to see her here with him. Ishika wasn’t replying. “What was wrong with her”, he asked himself. She just kept on smiling like those female characters of teenage stories and she also did look like one of them- ever so beautiful and sweet, her smile so lovely, yes, and the image of the perfect girl you would imagine for yourself- the kind of thing that the now a days novelists paint for us in their fun novels. This girl, who used to be brimming with energy and words always that used to be overflowing with wit and humor, why she is suddenly so silent. Ad he thought of mom, she had probably faded away somewhere, he thought. Her absence was a relief for now he could talk to Ishika more freely. But he was too shocked to see her here and to avoid the situation he turned to go to his room. He opened the door and there was a bigger shocker waiting. Ishika was already sitting in his room.

“Why are you here… why are you here and there and just everywhere?” he asked and again Ishika did not utter a single word. She was only smiling.

“Okay I don’t care eve if you are here, I am going to continue what I was supposed to do and I will assume that you were never here, right?”

No reaction again. She was still only smiling.

‘Why are you being so dumb Ishika? ”

Suddenly everything blanks out, melts away and then another scene.

It’s my hostel room all of a sudden and once again Ishika is here again. Everything else at its place or say everything not at its place but that appears normal, as usual. The only thing which is an aberration is the presence of a dumb but smiling Ishika.

“Ishika, you know girls are not allowed here in the boy’s dorm. You should be leaving lest someone sees you here. And moreover I need to be in the lecture hall at this time, I can’t handle you here.

What the hell is wrong with you? Are you listening I am getting late for my class, can we meet up some other time… will you say something?”

Aditya tried to rationalize it. “Oh yes! Now I get it, listen you are only a figment of my imagination. I am making you up; but I am just so engrossed in you…you are completely dictating my thoughts. Listen, this is my dream and I don’t want you to be roaming around here just like that. And if you want to be here, I want you to be talking to me. You understand?”

She chuckled a little. I won’t say that the melody of her laughter was so this and that (the good adjectives I mean) but yes, it was all of that. She started speaking finally, “your placements treat Aditya, the date and venue please”

“Yes, she was beautiful but here in the dream she was incredible,” Aditya thought before he started answering her “Don’t worry about that, anywhere you say, except my home, my room and my dream, H@H@H@.”

Cut and the screen changes again. The transition is so fast that I don’t understand my own dreams.

It’s Ambience mall, Gurgaon.

And I am all set to see Sherlock Holmes and …but where are my friends, Oh! The smiling Ishika, again???
Did I make a plan with you? No please, not here!

Shit yar! Now I can’t even watch the movie, why are you there in my mind all the time? Whom am I talking to? Why am I talking to you? Am I hallucinating, dreaming, what is this? This is crazy, just so crazy. What am I thinking? No, why am I thinking. Why am I thinking about you? What exactly is it?

Am I still dreaming or am I still in the dream or am I stilled in the dream?


About jyoti

with her trailing gaze the shy maverick clings on and through the supple foreplay of her aesthetic sense and a beatific smile insatiates the mellifluous melange!! View all posts by jyoti

2 responses to “Am I dreaming?

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