The dim light of my solitary hours


Often I see myself through my mirror

And reflect upon the image etched there.

 

I see strands of hair fluttering here and there

Evading my grasp, gliding in the air

 

Years, months and weeks have passed by,

And I see myself frozen in a stand by

 

The days have gone followed by their nights

And now finally I sit to record the accounts of my plight.

 

I am twenty-nine now, I was nineteen once.

I fled from home then; I eloped with a dunce.

 

I fled from home to rescue myself from being sold.

I wanted to live with my young lover and grow old.

 

I was up for sale so that my dad could pay his debts

I was up for sale so that my siblings could be fed.

 

It would have been a noble sacrifice

But to me that lone reason did not suffice.

 

I left my home. I came to the city.

We struggled here for nitty-gritty.

 

And then one day he left me when in the streets the light was dim

for we could not decide who sacrificed more- either I or him.

 

I slept on the floor with unpaid bills

while the hunger in my belly grew shrill.

 

Neither a word nor a penny was sent

I missed him not but cursed him for not paying the rent.

 

Survival was a challenge and options were few

Where I was to go- go back or start anew?

 

It was a decision to sell my flesh and kill my soul

Or a decision to sell my skill and choose a role.

 

I chose to play a teacher, a tutor to kids

I chose to be with innocents to satisfy my needs.

 

I taught them and I taught myself

I learnt to survive, to live for oneself.

 

I studied from books, I studied men

I learnt from my work, I learnt from all of them.

 

 

I saw people stand to greet me, I smelt those carpets rolled down for me,

I felt those tears which alone witnessed my moments of success for me.

 

I filled my vacant hours so that the lost days could not haunt

But in the dim light of my solitary hours my sorrows still did flaunt.

 

I changed occupation and my profession

But nothing could satisfy till I had made my confession.

 

The days thus went by followed by their nights

And now finally I sit to record the accounts of my plight.

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About jyoti

with her trailing gaze the shy maverick clings on and through the supple foreplay of her aesthetic sense and a beatific smile insatiates the mellifluous melange!! View all posts by jyoti

10 responses to “The dim light of my solitary hours

  • nipundart

    It’s 2.28am and a few seconds ago i finished reading this poem, reading it on the top of my voice, sitting alone in my hostel room :D. It’s neat. I liked your story poem. And for a change the ‘engrish’ was simpler this time. Thank you for not forcing me to arrange an Oxford’s. And, i dunno why, but i was expecting you to have a kid with the dunce, hence, prolonging your struggle to find your feet. Also, i felt like how different and unique it’d have been, had you gone back to your good ol’ house just to get sold. Oh man, i want to copy your poem and provide various alternate endings to it.\m/

  • Jyoti Singh

    Nipun: Yes, people have been joking about the English thing and slowly I guess I’m improving! 😀
    I tried reading this piece aloud (not at the top of my voice though) last night and I felt that it sounds good and the rhymes can be felt more clearly.
    About the possible endings, you know this poem was initially in the form of a prose which was more elaborate and it ended when the girl wanted to publish her story, I had thought about some alternate endings too. The humility if she had gone back and the sense of being rejected then and the struggle thereafter or what if she had agreed to sell her flesh.
    Also you are right the kid must have added flavour to the tragic story and also some sense of purpose.
    We can easily have a sequel to this 🙂

    • sahil

      “It was a decision to sell my flesh and kill my soul

      Or a decision to sell my skill and choose a role.”

      superb lines….. simple…sleek…. but wid a deep meaning….. !!!

      woz a gud one ….. as usual…!! 🙂

      n yeahhh…. evn i did’nt needed a dictionary dis tym…. hhahahahhaaa… means either i am improving…. or u r declining…!!! hehehehhe..!!! 😀

      • jyoti

        thank you! can’t really say what’s the matter but I deliberatly kept this simple so that the message goes clear! and I know you will agree that I was successful in my intentions. 🙂

  • sahil

    yess….!!!! ofcourse…!!! i m sure…. every single mind who had gone thru it…. must have easily understood every aspect…. 🙂

    n sumtyms for a change also….. it feels interesting for everyone when the note is sleek n clear…. i m nt saying dis in ma respect…. 😛 itni b bad nahi hai vocab… 😉 hehehhee… 😀

    • jyoti

      I am sure, your vocab isnt bad, atleast not after reading my works for so many moths now. But, it feels glad to know that you are reading it and the message is conveyed! 🙂

  • sahil

    ohhh plzzz haan…!!! my vocab wasnt bad…!!! 🙂 yaa.. may b not good as urs… 😦
    n yeahh…. i em not reading for so many months….. weneva i get to know… that u hav posted sumthing interesting…. i fell onto it… dass it… 😉

    n btw mam,…!!! where is my work done..??? i thought i gave u sumthing to write… and i em afraid…. tat thing dun take “”soo many months… “.. 😉

    • jyoti

      yes, I remember that you have given me to write a tale. The work is in progress but I fear there might be inordinate delay.

      till then you can read “a tale not so innocent” . It’s a lil lengthy and has been criticized for the way it ends, but I hope you will like it! 🙂

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