Tag Archives: desire

The dim light of my solitary hours


Often I see myself through my mirror

And reflect upon the image etched there.

 

I see strands of hair fluttering here and there

Evading my grasp, gliding in the air

 

Years, months and weeks have passed by,

And I see myself frozen in a stand by

 

The days have gone followed by their nights

And now finally I sit to record the accounts of my plight.

 

I am twenty-nine now, I was nineteen once.

I fled from home then; I eloped with a dunce.

 

I fled from home to rescue myself from being sold.

I wanted to live with my young lover and grow old.

 

I was up for sale so that my dad could pay his debts

I was up for sale so that my siblings could be fed.

 

It would have been a noble sacrifice

But to me that lone reason did not suffice.

 

I left my home. I came to the city.

We struggled here for nitty-gritty.

 

And then one day he left me when in the streets the light was dim

for we could not decide who sacrificed more- either I or him.

 

I slept on the floor with unpaid bills

while the hunger in my belly grew shrill.

 

Neither a word nor a penny was sent

I missed him not but cursed him for not paying the rent.

 

Survival was a challenge and options were few

Where I was to go- go back or start anew?

 

It was a decision to sell my flesh and kill my soul

Or a decision to sell my skill and choose a role.

 

I chose to play a teacher, a tutor to kids

I chose to be with innocents to satisfy my needs.

 

I taught them and I taught myself

I learnt to survive, to live for oneself.

 

I studied from books, I studied men

I learnt from my work, I learnt from all of them.

 

 

I saw people stand to greet me, I smelt those carpets rolled down for me,

I felt those tears which alone witnessed my moments of success for me.

 

I filled my vacant hours so that the lost days could not haunt

But in the dim light of my solitary hours my sorrows still did flaunt.

 

I changed occupation and my profession

But nothing could satisfy till I had made my confession.

 

The days thus went by followed by their nights

And now finally I sit to record the accounts of my plight.

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Rising from the ashes!!!


I was lost in the darkness

And was far away from my own self

That feeling of loneliness had sunk deep within

And little  could I help….

I have spent lonely nights

Sitting in my moonlit balcony

The rustling leaves, the whistling wind and the silence of the night

Were the only things to  accompany….

Happiness, smile, success, dreams

All became illusionary.

I was so deeply engulfed in the dark clouds of failure

My future, I could hardly see….

Lost in love, lost in exams,

Lost in the attempt of being  perfect 

Heart broken, confidence shattered

All I wanted now was just to run….

A few years ago I was brimming with confidence

I was so proud…

Success in love, success in exams

It seemed as if I could have reached for the sky

And steal the cloud….

A happy-go-lucky nature with a tinge of maturity

Sprinkled with Fresh dreams full of life

Was suddenly captivated by the chains of sorrow

And failure finally broke me with a knife….

Oh My lord

Was falling in love my mistake?

OR being broken in love, my mistake?

Was caring for my family a mistake?

OR running after my dreams a mistake?

But, the desire to be at the top is still burning

The dreams within me are still breathing

My love has got a new meaning

And now in this race with destiny,

Get ready to see ‘me’ winning !!!!


For all that it is…


For the world that knows you,not me.

For the way you feel,one may not see.

But that what connects you and me is just not ‘we’.

There is something that flows between just you and just me.

I think of you and you pass through me,

the way you caress me, that’s serene.

A moment’s touch,

that is my bliss, and

your presence never amiss.

For all that I care,

it’s you who makes me aware.

For all that you are to me

everything is no less than a dream.

But the distance that meets us apart

that is what it is

that is what it is…