The dim light of my solitary hours

Often I see myself through my mirror

And reflect upon the image etched there.

 

I see strands of hair fluttering here and there

Evading my grasp, gliding in the air

 

Years, months and weeks have passed by,

And I see myself frozen in a stand by

 

The days have gone followed by their nights

And now finally I sit to record the accounts of my plight.

 

I am twenty-nine now, I was nineteen once.

I fled from home then; I eloped with a dunce.

 

I fled from home to rescue myself from being sold.

I wanted to live with my young lover and grow old.

 

I was up for sale so that my dad could pay his debts

I was up for sale so that my siblings could be fed.

 

It would have been a noble sacrifice

But to me that lone reason did not suffice.

 

I left my home. I came to the city.

We struggled here for nitty-gritty.

 

And then one day he left me when in the streets the light was dim

for we could not decide who sacrificed more- either I or him.

 

I slept on the floor with unpaid bills

while the hunger in my belly grew shrill.

 

Neither a word nor a penny was sent

I missed him not but cursed him for not paying the rent.

 

Survival was a challenge and options were few

Where I was to go- go back or start anew?

 

It was a decision to sell my flesh and kill my soul

Or a decision to sell my skill and choose a role.

 

I chose to play a teacher, a tutor to kids

I chose to be with innocents to satisfy my needs.

 

I taught them and I taught myself

I learnt to survive, to live for oneself.

 

I studied from books, I studied men

I learnt from my work, I learnt from all of them.

 

 

I saw people stand to greet me, I smelt those carpets rolled down for me,

I felt those tears which alone witnessed my moments of success for me.

 

I filled my vacant hours so that the lost days could not haunt

But in the dim light of my solitary hours my sorrows still did flaunt.

 

I changed occupation and my profession

But nothing could satisfy till I had made my confession.

 

The days thus went by followed by their nights

And now finally I sit to record the accounts of my plight.